Brio Leadership

Practicing Gratitude

November 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment

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It may seem like an odd time to be discussing practicing gratitude. The economy is a mess. Thousands of employees have been or are facing the possibility of being laid-off, outsourced or cut-back. Because of the uncertainty, many families anticipate drastically reduced spending on holiday extras such as presents and vacation travel.

Now, more than ever, is the best time to practice gratitude.

Why should you be grateful when it seems like things are at their worst? According to recent research[1], the practice of gratitude and appreciation can make you happier – and who doesn’t want to be happier, especially now? There are several reasons that gratitude makes you cheerier. Gratitude directs your thoughts to the positive aspects of living, so instead of concentrating on the dismal reports you read everyday in the newspaper or hear on the news, you concentrate on good news. A daily practice of gratitude, such as keeping a gratitude journal or “counting your blessings”, helps you live more consciously because it forces you to pay attention to what happens in everyday life. Gratitude and appreciation helps you stay in the present moment, because to notice blessings you have to block out worries about the future and regrets from the past. And, although this is not scientifically proven, counting your blessings seems to increase the good things that happen to you, if only because you are more attentive to them.

Lastly, if you want to keep your job, finding a way to be happy is a good idea. In a Harvard Business Review article from June 2005, authors Tiziana Casciaro and Miguel Sousa Lobo found that managers tend to favor competent and likable people over more competent but less lovable workers. Happier people are generally more likable and more enjoyable to work with than the opposite. In deciding who to lay-off and who to keep, it may be the workers who keep a positive outlook that managers view more favorably.

Here are some ways to practice gratitude and appreciation in your life:

  • Keep a gratitude journal. Noticing and writing about the blessings in your life is a great way to keep your antenna tuned to the positive. You might discipline yourself to notice something new to give thanks for everyday – not just the same old things like your family, your home and your job. In my journal, I draw a star next to each entry on my list of appreciations. The stars draw attention to the things I’m grateful for.
  • Give thanks in prayer or meditation. Some people incorporate gratitude into a daily prayer or meditation practice. An elderly friend once told me, “You just get down on your knees every night – right there next to your bed - and give thanks for all your blessings.” I’ve always remembered her words.
  • Notice and remember Kodak moments. Remember the commercial about capturing “Kodak moments” by photographing them? Kodak moments are those memories that make you smile; they are moments of great happiness or fleeting appreciation. You might notice moments from your family life, you might notice the color of a tree’s leaves, a hawk slowly circling in the sky or a beautiful sunset. Observe the feelings you experience in that moment. Live with your eyes and heart wide open, looking for beauty and grace everyday. Take time to savor your Kodak moments as you notice them, and then write about them later in your gratitude journal.
  • Notice and remember synchronicities. Synchronicities are coincidences that are moments of grace. An example of a synchronicity is when you think about someone and then receive an email or phone call from that person. I experienced a synchronicity today – I just happened to be working on my computer early this morning (Sunday) when a reminder for an unusual morning meeting popped-up on my screen. I had totally forgotten about my commitment, and if I hadn’t been at my computer I would have missed the meeting. I wrote about it in my journal, giving thanks for being able to keep my commitment to the people I met with.
  • Appreciate others. Make a habit of noticing what other people are doing, and provide them sincere appreciation when they do something well or noteworthy. If you are a manager, you might write a note to one of your employees about something they did that you appreciate. Mail it to their home address so they can share your message with their family. Another way to appreciate others is to simply say thank you and acknowledge the good job that person is doing. My husband plays in a professional orchestra and went for years without hearing any feedback from the conductor. When the maestro finally told him that he had done a good job, my husband was ecstatic that someone had finally noticed his dedication and good results. A little appreciation makes both you and the person you notice feel great!

This Thanksgiving, give thanks for all the blessings in your life, and vow to start practicing an attitude of gratitude everyday. You’ll be glad you did!

[1] “Authentic Happiness”, Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. Dr. Seligman has conducted numerous studies on positive emotions and finds that gratitude is one practice that helps people increase happiness.


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How to Choose Love over Fear

November 1, 2008 | Leave a Comment

In a previous post, I made some suggestions for acting in love during the current economic crisis.  I’d like to expand the discussion and create a more comprehensive list of tips for shifting to love when you feel fear gaining hold in your mind, spirit or body.

First, the fear/love choice is like this famous optical illusion - if you look hard at the picture of your life, you see the young lady but if you soft focus your gaze you see another image, the old lady. The same can be said about fear and love.  When faced with a difficult situation, our brain will glom onto the first perspective it can grasp (usually fear), but if we consciously look for another perspective, we can find it. 

Here are some suggestions for choosing love:

  • The heavenly perspective.  I’ve already blogged about it, and it is my personal favorite this month. Let me know how it works for you!
  • Take time to meditate and pray each day.  My friend Mariel writes down a verse from scripture or from some other inspiring source and keeps that small piece of paper in her pocket all day to remind her of the divine love that continually surrounds her.
  • Practice gratitude.  Keep a gratitude journal.  Notice and appreciate all the little things to be grateful for in your life.
  • Notice synchronicities in your life.  They happen all the time.  For example, yesterday, I was racing out of the office for an appointment, and when I picked up my purse, a small voice immediately reminded me that my wallet was in another room.  I snatched my wallet and ran out the door, thanking the angel that prevented me from forgetting a very important item.
  • Silently bless the people you encounter during the day.  Pray for people you are about to meet with or work with.  Notice how that practice affects the quality of your interaction with that person.

There are so many more ideas.  I open it up to your comments and suggestions.  How do you choose love instead of fear?


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In Economically Unsettled Times, I Choose Love

October 19, 2008 | Leave a Comment

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A Course in Miracles states that there are only two emotions, love and fear. All other emotions are derivatives of those basic feelings. Of the two, which emotion have we primarily seen at work in our economy over the past several months? Of course, the answer is fear.

When I worked in the securities industry years ago, we said that markets are driven by fear and greed. Greed is the operative that fuels run-ups in the markets as investors try to make a buck (or a euro, in this global economy). Fear causes sell-offs like the stunning one we’ve seen in the markets over the past month.

Recently, I’ve heard people speak fearfully about their diminished investment accounts and 401k’s. I’ve heard people express fear about the security of their jobs. I even heard one friend express concern about the balance in her child’s school PTA bank account, which was approaching the $100,000 limit of the FDIC insurance.

Fear is a normal reaction to what’s happening to us. Fear has its good side – it can make us more vigilant and more careful about our money, which is not a bad thing. But fear can paralyze us and cloud our thinking. I can’t tell you how many people have told me they are about to cash out all their holdings. I admit to thinking about it now and again – wouldn’t cash be safe! This is a normal, fear-based reaction, but is not a wise or prudent action. Selling now would be counter to the market’s basic rule of buy low, sell high. Selling now is selling low.

So, how can we choose love at this time?

First, we need to remember several spiritual laws. The first is “As within, so without”, which means what you think about, comes about. The Bible expresses this as “So a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.” In other words, if you believe that this is a disaster, it will be so. The second is “Within chaos comes opportunity.” We know this to be true in our own spiritual development - a crisis such as a divorce, serious illness or death of a loved one causes short-term chaos but can initiate tremendous inner growth in the long term.

If you are fearful about being laid off at work or about business in general, here’s what you can do to replace fear with love:

  • You valiantly choose a positive outlook as you walk in the door, refraining from gossiping or speculating at the water cooler (or via IM) about who’s going to get the ax and how bad it is at the office.
  • You look for more ways to make your boss look good.
  • You immediately revive your professional network both within and external to the company, taking time to go to lunch with others, catching up with people who you haven’t seen in months and listening for opportunities.
  • You apply for jobs, perhaps even ones that are beneath your current abilities, but that could parlay into a better one in the future.
  • You check your internal thoughts several times a day to make sure that you are clear within so that you send “good vibes” out to others, knowing that the energy will be returned to you.
  • You look for the good in every situation, and express love in the form of appreciation, respect and integrity at work.

Choosing love also means to look for the opportunity in the downturn. Sandra Yancey, CEO of eWomenNetwork, says that recessions are great times to buy whatever you need, “because everything is on sale!” Warren Buffet said the same thing about stocks last week in an opinion piece in the New York Times entitled, “Buy American. I am.” Buffet related that in his personal investment account, he is buying up solid American stocks because he believes that they are cheap now and will appreciate in the long term. My colleague, Jean Keener, of Keener Financial Planning, has this sound advice: “Recessions have historically been fantastic buying opportunities. If you’ve got cash in hand that you won’t need for at least 5-10 years, this could be a rare opportunity to be brave and benefit financially in the long-term.”

In what other ways can you choose love by looking for the opportunity in the downturn? Think like a contrarian! Think about starting a business or going back to school. Look for side businesses that are recession-proof. At the grocery store last week, I stopped by a wine-tasting display where the woman behind the table proclaimed wine a recession-proof business. I guess we  need to drink more now than in good times! How can you find a recession-proof business like wine?

As for me, I’m doing some major contrarian thinking. I’m starting a new business, based on spiritual intelligence, in a recession! Crazy! So here is my vision: In this tough time, I picture myself planting seeds that need watering, weeding and fertilizing before I can harvest the fruits of my labor. Most of the seeds will bear fruit when the economy revives, but I leave room in that vision for some seeds to germinate and mature overnight like Jack’s beanstalk in the fairy tale.

Even if you know that keeping a positive frame of mind is good for you, it’s easy to fall into fear during these uncertain times. Click here for a quick visualization exercise that you can do to gain perspective and loosen fear’s grip.

For your own happiness, choose love. For the betterment of your career, choose love. Because life is short, choose love.


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Gratitude at Journey’s End

June 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment

The business trip I took this week was long and hard - a seven-day journey with stops in three countries. Despite the difficulty of the trip, this journey for me was punctuated by multiple moments of gratitude: gratitude at the outset and gratitude upon arriving home plus many moments in between.  The gratitude at the beginning had to do with the shift in perspective about business travel that I wrote about in a previous post - I was truly embarking on a new era in my thinking. I was excited because I knew for certain that I had re-programmed a limiting belief that I had been holding for over 15 years.  What a delight such a shift in perspective is! I remember sitting in the airport at the beginning of my trip, noticing and appreciating everything, from the gate agents to the baggage handlers to the other passengers. I was grateful that I could approach this trip with a new perspective.

Returning home, my gratitude is more earthly than ethereal. I am so grateful to be home, in my own bed, in my own car, with my own family. I see my home and home life with new, appreciative eyes.  I am thankful for the adventure of the intercontinental journey I just completed, thankful for arriving home safely.  I am tired but happy.


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