Change your inner thoughts, change your outer life
August 9, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Change your thoughts and you change your life - we’ve heard this lesson in multiple forms from many teachers. May Kay Ash told us that “If your mind can conceive it, and if you can believe it, you can achieve it.” Dr. Norman Vincent Peale told us about the power of positive thinking. The Christian Bible tells us that “whatever a man sows, so shall he reap.” We know from personal experience that if we wake up in a bad mood and do nothing to change our negative attitude, the rest of the day will be full of disappointments and snafus. There is something about our inner thoughts, attitudes and beliefs that have an annoyingly reliable tendency to be reflected in what happens to us.
This week, however, I was really struck by the power of this lesson in my own life. We have a teenager in the family who is only weeks away from going away to college, and his behavior and attitude toward his parents is edgy, to say the least. We figured it was completely normal, and perhaps even God’s way of making us look forward to him leaving the nest. My husband and I have been complaining to each other about him - until I happened to be speaking to an adult friend of my son’s who said, “Your son told me he is really going to miss you when he goes to college, and wants to spend some time with you this summer.” I was shocked that my son would think that, much less say that to a trusted friend. Ever since then, I’ve looked at my son with different eyes. He looks so handsome, so kind, so smart now! I give him a kiss more often, tell him I love him and will miss him - heck, I even gave him a back massage this week! The miracle is that my son has been sweet to me ever since I changed my attitude toward him.
What a whack on the side of the head! Duh! Of course, he could pick up on my energy, attitude and impatience with him, and he was acting accordingly. Of course, there was a lot of normal teenaged hormones and the process of individuation going on at the same time, but as my husband always says, “Who’s the adult in this situation? It’s you, honey, not the kids.” I needed to change my inner thoughts to change the outer life of our family.
Is there someone in your life who is irritating you? Perhaps it’s a son or daughter, or a co-worker, a customer or a friend. Could you change your attitude, your inner thoughts about this person? Could you start to think they are handsome, kind or smart, like I did with my son? Could you see that person with the eyes of God, as a blessed child of the universe? I bet if you can change your inner thoughts, the other person will start behaving differently also.
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Committing to Spiritual Development
April 8, 2008 | 2 Comments
Just like anything else that you want to do well, being an everyday mystic takes time and practice. I recently read a Harvard Business Review article on the topic of achieving mastery of any skill, be it playing a musical instrument or managing people. The article cited research that shows that it takes ten years - ten years! - of consistent practice to achieve mastery of an advanced skill.
I know many people who I consider to have achieved mastery in spiritual skills. I have said for years that I wish to be among them. Sure, I have meditated and written in a journal for years, I’ve tried to live lovingly, forgivingly and mindfully, I’ve tried to be a good wife/mother/friend — but I haven’t REALLY dedicated myself to achieve mastery of the spiritual skills that I desire. I’ve dabbled. Or so it seems.
Others have done it, and they are not just Zen masters like the Dalai Lama or my dear Roshi Joan Halifax (www.upaya.org). Two friends of mine tell me that the way they developed their ability to "hear" wisdom from the Divine was to meditate for several hours a day - for months! One is a psychic and gives readings to business people and another is a medical intuitive. I have several other friends who either live at a Zen center or have committed themselves to an hour of prayer time each day.
It’s time for me to dedicate myself to deepening my spirituality. I wish to be able to tap into the wisdom that I know is available to all of us, if only we listen with open hearts. I am declaring my intention in this blog: To meditate and journal every day, to know that I can receive divine guidance and to open myself to the wisdom that I know is within my grasp.
Secondly, I declare an intention that it won’t take me ten years to achieve some level of mastery. The dabbling I’ve done will count for a lot.
And, I want you! Just like Uncle Sam, I’m asking you, my readers, to enlist with me in this project and be my accountability partner. I promise to report back to you once a week (among my other blog posts) with how I’m doing - what I’ve discovered, the techniques I’m using and any progress I’ve made. You don’t have to do it with me, but allow me to tell you how it’s going.
And, as always, your comments and encouragements are precious to me.
Thank you for this opportunity to document my spiritual journey. I hope that by sharing my struggles and my path that your journey is made easier.
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Limitations on the Law of Attraction
March 26, 2008 | 1 Comment
I consciously use the law of attraction, I use affirmations, I expect divine surprises and blessings to appear in my life. In my mind, however, there is a limit to the effects of positive thinking. I’ve written about this before (see my post entitled Negative Thoughts at http://kristinrobertson.com/negative-thoughts.htm) but it deserves another discussion.
What I don’t recommend is using positive thinking to repress emotions, or to blame oneself for adversity.
Let’s look at these statements separately.
First, positive thinking and affirmations cannot turn around a situation about which you have unexpressed emotions. Appropriately expressing emotions is the first and most important step to "getting over" a hurt, a slight or any emotionally-charged memory. Countless research studies indicate that repressing emotions is bad for our health, bad for our relationships and bad for our spiritual growth. Expressing emotions in an appropriate way is essential. We must "feel it to heal it", and that means writing/journaling about the situation or talking it out with a loving listener. Only after we have expressed our emotions about a situation are we ready to use affirmations and attract our desire to us.
I was struck this week by reading about how Louise Hays, as described in her book entitled "You Can Heal Your Life", healed herself of cancer. She first sought out psychotherapy to clear some resentment she had been holding about her difficult childhood. Here’s what she says (page 221), "With the help of a good therapist, I expressed all the old, bottled-up anger by beating pillows and howling with rage. This made me feel cleaner." Only then was she able to unleash the power of her self-accepting affirmations. Converting emotions and feelings to words is therapeutic in itself. When we express feelings in words, we transfer memories out of our emotional brain (a relatively primitive but powerful brain system) and into our analytical brain, which processes language and higher cognitive thinking skills. Once we express our feelings in words, we can sense patterns, construct story lines and start to make sense of our emotions.
Secondly, a tunnel vision approach to the law of attraction can cause us to blame ourselves for illnesses and other "negative" life events. As I’ve explained before, I believe that there are aspects of our lives that are beyond the control of positive thoughts. We incarnate with sacred contracts, we are influenced by the intentions of others or bump up against other people’s sacred contracts. These life pillars are learning opportunities for us - we can choose how we react to them, which sets up the law of attraction.
Children who are born with birth defects or serious health issues are prime examples of my point. I cannot believe that negative thoughts of the parents can create serious health issues for a new born child. Rather, that child came into the world with challenges, perhaps previously agreed to or perhaps a result of karma. Blaming either the child or the parents for the situation is counter-productive.Blaming cancer patients for the negative thoughts that might have caused the cancer is likewise counterproductive.
A friend of mine experienced a devastating business loss. She told me that no amount of positive thinking or affirmations helped in her situation. I can understand why - if a business endeavor is flawed from the start, it will probably fail. However, my friend chose a positive reaction to the loss - she learned from it, started over and found a line of work that has been more rewarding to her. Sometimes we need to fail to learn the lesson we need to learn.
The law of attraction is powerful, but it has limits.
What are your thoughts?
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An Affirmation Primer
March 12, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Unlike old dogs who can’t learn new tricks, our brains are capable of constant learning. Even old habits are candidates for re-programming. Recent neuroscience research suggests that brain cells are constantly being regenerated, even into old age, and that our neural pathways (the connections between brain cells that produce ingrained ways of thinking and reacting) can be re-directed and re-programmed. I say, yippee! Way to go, awesome brain of mine! How comforting to know that I can learn and grow in my understanding and abilities to react in ways that bring me peace rather than upset.
One technique we all have at our fingertips is affirmations. Affirmations, as the name implies, is a method of affirming an outcome that we desire. Affirmations declare that the object of our desire is already manifested. Because our brains cannot differentiate between what we imagine and what actually happens, affirmations can work to create new neural pathways in our brain and enable us to reach our dreams by attracting an outcome we desire.
Scientists are also finding that our thoughts are not private. Our thoughts and intentions create energy which can be transformed into matter. Indeed, our physical world is simply a manifestation of someone’s thought - the computer I’m typing on, an airplane, a house, my family, all started as a thought in someone’s mind. The wonderful aspect of affirmations is that we consciously choose the thoughts that we wish to manifest, and the energy of these thoughts attract wondrous things to us.
There are several simple rules to remember in creating and using affirmations:
1. State your affirmation in the present tense, as in "My body feels great" rather than "My body will become free of pain." If phrased in future tense, you create an energy that is attracting something for the future, therefore the attainment of your desire is always pushed into the future.
2. Phrase your affirmation positively, as in "My body feels great" rather than "I don’t experience any pain." By focusing on the positive, you attract your desire. Focusing on the negative attracts the negative. The energy created by a positive statement is different from a statement that negates that which is undesirable.
3. Affirmations focus on the end result, not the means to achieve it, as in "My body feels great" rather than "I find a doctor who helps alleviate my pain." It is the Universe’s job to craft the roadmap that will direct you to your destination. Our job is to affirm the outcome, recognize the opportunities that the Universe presents to us and to act on them.
4. Power up your affirmation by feeling the emotions that will come with achieving your desire. As you repeat your affirmations, imagine how you will feel once your dreams become reality. Adding in this energetic oomph is sure to enhance your affirmation.
Here are some affirmations you might try:
"The love of God surrounds me."
"I love and appreciate myself, and others do too."
"Every day in every way, I get better and better."
"My relationship with {fill in the blank} is harmonious and calm."
"My home is a refuge of peace and beauty."
"My garage is neat, clean and organized."
"I am a master teacher."
"Money flows to me with ease."
"Spirit guides me and results flow from that guidance."
Please don’t believe what I say - try them yourself and see what happens. I affirm that my truth may not be your truth, but my truth is what has been proven to work for me through experimentation and experience. What does your experience tell you?
In my next post, I’ll suggest ways to work affirmations into our busy days.
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Fallow Fields Reap Rewards
March 10, 2008 | Leave a Comment
The concept of a sabbatical comes from the Hebrew Bible. Just as we are commanded to make the seventh day of the week a Sabbath and a day of rest, so God commands us to let our land rest and lie fallow in the seventh year (Exodus 23:10). The beauty of this practice is in its admonition to God’s people to rest regularly. What sweet advice, and how needed in our hectic 21st century lives!
I just finished a so-called sabbatical. It was so-called because the break was punctuated with many weeks of intense creative work, as I wrote two classes on emotional intelligence for customer service providers and for leaders (you can read about them at http://www.krconsulting.com/Business-relationships.aspx) and spoke on four different topics at various association and vendor meetings. My sabbatical was grounded in the need to rest: I had suffered from chronic insomnia for almost 18 months, and finally realized that my body and spirit needed a break. But I also designed my sabbatical so I could answer the insistent call within me to do something new in my business life. I didn’t know what that was when I started the sabbatical on December 10, 2007, but I sensed that I needed to give my spirit restful time to figure things out.
I started the sabbatical with these goals:
1. Clarify my message, meaning define what I wanted/needed to teach others
2. Start a blog (obviously, that was accomplished)
3. Create a vision and goals for the new endeavor(s)
4. Find teachers and partners for me
5. Study and read
6. Catalogue the reading I’ve done
7. Honor my body’s need for sleep
I am proud to report that items 2, 5,6 and 7 are accomplished (I’m sleeping very well nowadays) and the others are in process. I seem to be gaining more and more clarity daily as to my message and what I am meant to do. I truly feel like I am embracing my destiny for the first time in my life.
So, I highly recommend periods of rest for you. I love the biblical recommendations of regular rest periods: a small rest period once a week (the Sabbath) and a longer rest period once every seven years (the sabbatical). I get it - the words Sabbath and sabbatical have the same root. Such sage and timeless advice!
I’ll take the biblical recommendations a step further with my advice: take time every day to connect with the Source within you, rest and worship once a week, give yourself a yearly retreat and a sabbatical leave every seven to ten years. The Source of our Being wants us to rejuvenate our bodies and souls, and regular rest provides that for us.
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Prayers, Love and Emotions
March 1, 2008 | 1 Comment
I heard Lynne McTaggert, author of The Intention Experiment, speak last night about her research into the latest scientific theories about the power of thought to change matter. It was great to hear her personally explain many of the concepts I have read in her books.
I’ve discussed her work in previous posts in this blog and I’d like to expand on a premise I proposed before. McTaggert makes a distinction between prayer and intention that I don’t grasp. She says, “With intention, the agent of change is human; with prayer it is God.” Because I believe that each human being carries the essence or spark of God in their hearts and souls, humans are God’s agents of change. I therefore equate prayer and intention in most instances - read on for more!
Two more thoughts about this: First, that in order for our intentions to be Godly, they must come from love and not fear. In other words, intentions must come from the pure essence, the God essense, of the soul. Intentions that aim to harm someone or something originate from fear, not love. For an intention to double as a prayer, the intention must embody the highest good for all those affected by it.
I guess a corollary to that statement is that prayers that seek to harm another or to bless us at the expense of another are not true prayers. I always wonder what God thinks of us when we pray for our team to win the football game. Assuming that the other team prays the same thing, how does God choose which team’s prayers to answer? I’ll leave that as a rhetorical question for right now.
Secondly, an intention or prayer is best manifested when emotions are included in it. You do this by imagining how you or the person you are praying for feel when the intention becomes form. For example, I pray that this blog will be successful and touch other people’s hearts and help me find my voice. Therefore, I set my intention while imagining the feelings of satisfaction and joy I will get when I know that my writing has touched others.
Want to get involved in world-wide intention experiments? Please visit Lynne McTaggert’s website at www.theintentionexperiment.com and sign up for her e-newsletter.
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The Pygmalion Effect
February 22, 2008 | Leave a Comment
I was at the
I was flattered and proud that she thought that I and all my fellow Texans are friendly people – it doesn’t always appear that way when you live here! But I was especially pleased that she noticed that I was being pleasant and friendly. You see, the truth is that traveling is bittersweet for me. I’m a big ole homebody that hates to leave home and family, but thrills to be going new places and meeting new people. I love to hate – or hate to love - traveling! About a year ago, it finally dawned on me that grumbling and chafing at air travel’s inevitable delays, hassles and crowds really does not make the plane fly faster or the crews more agreeable. With that realization and my new-found wisdom about the law of attraction, I’ve made a concerted effort to travel with a smile on my face. I always have something nice to say to each TSA officer I meet, I greet the flight attendants with a smile and a hello, and I always thank the crew as I disembark from the plane. “Thanks for a good flight” or “Thanks for getting us here safely” expresses the gratitude I have for all the flights I take and have lived to tell about, which is 100% so far!
I am happy to report that travel goes more smoothly for me now. I swear that I experience fewer delays, cancellations and surly gate agents than I did before. But perhaps it’s just the inside of me that changed. I consciously set my expectations that my travels will be easy, and they are.
The power of setting intentions is old, old stuff. Remember the Pygmalion effect? The popular musical “My Fair Lady” is based on the play “Pygmalion” by George Barnard Shaw, which demonstrates the power of expecting someone to improve – in this case, Professor Henry Higgins’ expectations that Eliza Doolittle could be trained to speak like a lady. The Pygmalion effect posits that people will perform or act better because a teacher or mentor expects them to. The Pygmalion effect works for me with air travel – I expect things to go smoothly and they do.
What tests your patience? For me, it’s air travel. For you, it may be driving in commuter traffic, difficult bosses or unruly co-workers. Play with this: Set an intention for a positive outcome in your next patience-testing situation. Before entering into the situation, picture a positive outcome or affirm to yourself what outcomes you’d like. Don’t give up if the first time it doesn’t work well. Keep trying by setting your intentions and be grateful for whatever shows up.
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The Evolving Soul: Credo
February 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment
I believe that a soul’s job is to evolve, to learn, to grow in wisdom and maturity. The soul evolves not only during a single lifetime, but over many lifetimes. Before incarnating, each soul chooses a life based on the projected challenges – or lack thereof – that a particular life might pose so that the soul has the opportunity to learn the “lessons” it needs to at this point in its maturity. There is no judgment if the soul does not evolve or fully learn what it needs, just another chance to get it right in a future lifetime. The soul of a person who has done great harm to others in a lifetime might be given an opportunity to switch places in a future lifetime – to be the victim of another’s aggressions. Some call this karma.
Evolution takes place both during a lifetime and over lifetimes. During this current lifetime, I, Kristin Robertson, reserve the right to evolve in my understanding of all things spiritual, in my understanding of the topics that I discuss in this blog. In fact, I hope that you are witness to my evolution as I write about my journey. My most sincere prayer and intention for you is that, by reading about my struggles and thoughts, your evolution is aided, or your courage increases because of the sense that we sojourn together.
This week, one of my spiritual teachers encouraged me to “hear” things from the Universe without an intermediary. Over that past 18 months, I have conversed often in my meditations with my spiritual guides and the souls of loved ones who have passed away. Now, my teacher encourages me to cut out the “middleman”, so to speak, and just hear my truth directly from Source. She says that wisdom and information is available to me, just as it is to you, if I and you will only believe that it is so. Does Source equal God or Goddess? She would not use those words.
I fervently wish to be able to access wisdom directly. And, frankly, it scares me to go directly to the Source, but I’m not sure why. I haven’t meditated since speaking to her – yes, I get discouraged and fall away from my good habits. In fact, I’m a little depressed about my reaction. My intention is to return to my meditation practice, with some small changes, and share with you what happens as my soul evolves.
Well, let’s all laugh at ourselves – if you’ve read so far, you’re included in this – because of the lack of inherent entertainment value in this blog post. As Roshi Joan Halifax (www.upaya.org) says, coming to her Zen center and meditating all day might look like it has very low entertainment appeal, but the inner journey is fascinating to those so inclined. Welcome, fellow sojourner, and blessings for your journey as our souls evolve together.
Prayer:
Infinite Intelligence, bless my spiritual journey. Help me hear and learn what is needed for my soul’s evolution. May my journey give others courage for their own. Amen.
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Don’t Discount the Source!
February 11, 2008 | Leave a Comment
One spiritual practice that can help you attract more blessings into your life is to be aware of and grateful for the results of your intentions, however small. My wonderful business and life coach, Dr. Jayne Gardner (www.gardnerinstitute.com), calls this “Counting your wins” or identifying all the positive events that you attract into your life. One of Jayne’s three spiritual laws is “As within, so without”, which means that your inner mindset will attract external events and blessings into your life. Counting your wins is a way to become aware of and multiply those blessings.
We are wise to never discount the source of blessings. Blessings come to us in response to our inner work, our mental and spiritual outlook, and they can come in many guises. However blessings come, be grateful and pat yourself on the back for attracting them.
I caught myself recently discounting (for just minute!) the source of a blessing. In my previous post about abundance mentality (http://kristinrobertson.com/abundance.htm), I recounted the story of two unexpected checks arriving in the mail after I had donated some money to a local non-profit organization in faith that money would flow back to me in return. Here’s a big confession: one of those unexpected checks was from my father, the person who has taught me most about generosity and abundance. My first reaction was to discount the source of this blessing, as in “Well, it came from Dad, so that can’t count as a result of my intention.” Hogwash! I told myself as soon as I discovered what my false voice was chattering about. Who cares where the check came from? It arrived, and I wanted to be grateful and in awe of my tremendous ability to manifest my dreams.
About a year ago, another incident occurred in which I was tempted to discount the source of the blessing. It was during a time that I was mentally playing with the law of attraction. I decided to set an intention and see if I could manifest it: I wanted someone to bring flowers to the party I was hosting that night. About 30 minutes before the party began, a friend called to ask, “Is there anything you need for tonight?” By the way, this friend and I had been talking about the law of attraction just days before, so it was no coincidence that it was she who called. Fortunately, I was honest with her and said, “Oh yes, I would so love to have flowers on my table! Could you bring them?” Turns out she is an extraordinary flower arranger, so she not only brought the flowers but arranged them in a spectacular bouquet for my table. For a moment, I discounted the source – after all, I had to ask her for flowers, they didn’t just appear by magic – but then I realized that I had received exactly what I asked for.
Be grateful for every blessing you manifest, no matter the source!
Intention:
My dreams manifest in multiple ways in my life. I am grateful for all the blessings I attract into my life.
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The Power of Positive Intentions
February 3, 2008 | 1 Comment
Positive intentions are powerful! Many scientific studies have indicated that our thoughts are not private, and our thoughts create results. Here is an interesting story from my recent experience that demonstrates the power of positive intentions.
I have an eleven year old car that I love, but it is beginning to have some maintenance problems. On the advice of a mechanical friend, I started bringing the car into the dealership to have its major maintenance done, so I could get it “done right the first time”. In December, I brought the car in to have the radio replaced because the display panel had worn out and was no longer readable. I paid an insane amount of money to install a factory-built replacement radio. Since then, the radio’s reception has been intermittently beset with extreme static, so extreme that I have to turn off the radio. The next time I turn it on, it’s fine. Recently, the car has demonstrated another maintenance problem, a high pitched squeal when running cold. I realized it was time to bring the car back to the dealership.
I do not enjoy bringing my car into the dealership because a) it is extremely expensive, b) it is not always done right the first time, and d) this dealership fails to provide the details of excellent customer service, like returning calls when asked and responding to negative feedback in a constructive way. I was not looking forward to dealing with them again, I was especially not looking forward to the possibility of paying big bucks to repair of the squeal, and I was worried that they’d make me pay again to have my newly replaced radio fixed.
Then I caught myself in this maelstrom of negative thinking, and I pulled myself up short. I realized that I was attracting the wrong kind of service from them with my “expecting the worse” thoughts. So, the morning of my appointment at the dealership, I set the stage for a positive encounter: I dressed up like a true business woman, right down to the stockings and high heels (not the jeans and tee-shirt I usually wear when working at my home office!). As I drove to the dealership, I affirmed that I was going to get great service, I visualized (or imagined hearing) the successful repair of the squealing belt and the radio. I anticipated that I was not going to have to pay an exorbitant fee for the repair of my car. I put a smile on my face, and had great expectations. I arrived at the dealership curious to see what would happen.
Long story short – the dealership tightened the car’s doo-hickey belt to fix the squeal and checked the connections on the radio antenna. Although they couldn’t reproduce the radio problem, it hasn’t acted up since. Here’s the kicker – I got a bill for ZERO dollars. And, they called me “ma’am” the whole time.
Affirmation:
I monitor my thoughts with lovingkindness, knowing that I have no private thoughts. My intentions create positive outcomes for me.
